


Meditation

by moosey76



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fights, Kayn expresses his dominance lol, Memories, some weird mindscape things, zed is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:33:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23683945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosey76/pseuds/moosey76
Summary: Kayn opens his eyes. The landscape of his mind is familiar; a smooth, featureless blue floor, between rippling walls of blockades that keep tides of his memories from flooding in. He stands, slowly, his movements graceful & fluid within his imagination. Wide eyes blink, awakening as his feet pace, ghostly & silent along the floor, dragging as if through water. Ripples spread out from his footsteps. It takes him a moment to realize why he is here : typically, his meditation is black, silent, & invisible.“ Oh, Kayn, your mind is so terribly fragile today. ”
Relationships: Shieda Kayn & Rhaast
Kudos: 20





	Meditation

The silence of the monastery’s most secluded hallway seeps deep into Kayn’s bones. Within the cool stone walls of the meditation chambers, all outside stimuli are halted, & all that is felt is the peaceful quiet of _solitude_. The feeling is heavy with relief, & soaks into the assassin’s skin as if it were a splash of cool water on a hot day. He can recall years ago, when at first, he had refused to meditate—his young mind had deemed it a waste of time. He’d done it eventually for Master Zed, however : & now, Kayn wouldn’t trade his daily rituals for anything. He needs them, to keep him grounded, to keep his mind limber, to

**TO KEEP ME AWAY ?**

A twitching shake of his head comes in involuntary response. Kayn’s nose wrinkles briefly in irritation. He doesn’t answer the Darkin, whose brutal voice is heard aloud within the chambers. They two exist in a state of constant bickering & ignorance; Kayn knows that at times it is foolish to ignore Rhaast’s demands of attention. However, there are days ( like today ) when he does not hold enough patience for the monster’s petulance. 

Unfortunately, Rhaast shows no signs of intent to leave Kayn _be_.

Kayn settles into the habitual lotus pose on the floor, the Darkin scythe perched meticulously across his knees. His eyes slip gradually closed, & he reaches up to adjust his braid along his shoulders before sighing contently, hands resting on either thigh. Relaxation begins settling into ever - tense muscles. Despite the stillness of the room, a breeze sends his braid swinging slowly over his shoulder blades, & Kayn sighs lowly. **“ Rhaast, cut it out. ”** His words are low, barely a murmur into the space of the meditation chamber, and it takes only an instant for the air to still again beneath his demand. The Darkin does not have much power here, & his hold over the atmosphere fades gradually as Kayn’s mind sinks into darkness, body gratefully seizing the sensation of floating.

* * *

Kayn opens his eyes. The landscape of his mind is familiar; a smooth, featureless blue floor, between rippling walls of blockades that keep tides of his memories from flooding in. He stands, slowly, his movements graceful & fluid within his imagination. Wide eyes blink, awakening as his feet pace, ghostly & silent along the floor, dragging as if through water. Ripples spread out from his footsteps. It takes him a moment to realize why he is here : typically, his meditation is black, silent, & invisible.

**“ Oh, Kayn, your mind is so terribly fragile today. ”**

The familiar, bruising sound of Rhaast’s voice reaches him through the emptiness. Blue eyes narrow in his direction, graze over the sculpt of crimson muscles, the curve of great, bony horns. Any other man would tremble in the Darkin’s presence : but not Kayn, never Kayn. He & Rhaast have an understanding that transcends the physical realm, has them meet here … & while Kayn would rather it be in a mind other than _his own_ , he takes solace in the fact that it is the only place where the Darkin can present himself. Perhaps, yes, his mind is fragile for the instant. Rhaast, however, is fragile in _permanence_. The Darkin hears this thought from him. He growls lowly in the back of his throat, footsteps moving towards the shorter assassin, though they aren’t nearly as quiet. They thunder along the panes of Kayn’s mind, vibrating through his bones & making him grimace visibly as a result. Oh, & Rhaast _relishes_ in it : he towers over the acolyte with a creeping grin, a gaze that bores into him as if he were nothing more than prey ( but perhaps that’s what he is ). Kayn meets him head on, muscles tensed, jaw set, & eyes glowering in all the intensity that he can muster. He knows what is coming. this, this sacrifice of rest is his payment for not releasing the demon … perhaps he even understands it. When you cage the beast, it cannot express its rage. In its rage, it turns to the hand that _tamed it_.

**“ Look at you. Weak. ”**

Clawed fingertips close around Kayn’s windpipe, lifting his feet from the watery floor. The assassin scrambles, claws & fingertips raising to meet the demon’s hand with a scratching desperation. Rhaast does not squeeze too tightly ( NOT YET ), merely lifting him, back pressed to the undulating walls. The Darkin’s eyes are blackened here : Kayn’s mind allows his true presence to come forth, & while the boy is used to him, it seems that the horror of it never truly fades. 

**“ Where is Zed to save you now ? ”**

Rhaast’s voice is quiet, almost crooning, sweet enough to make Kayn _flinch_. His free hand lifts, claws slashing an opening in the wall beside his host’s head. Crimson leaks into the air, dark smoke seeping into the room : as it touches them, images of Kayn’s childhood flood in … him, clutching his starving stomach as orphans are snatched away from each other’s arms, armies tugging him along in a cruel effort of disposal—

**“ Do you miss it ? Being important ? ”**

Zed’s mask shining as he extends a hand of greeting, the warmth of his arms as he nurses Kayn’s childhood wounds. The harshness of his fist as he trains him, over & over, endlessly, until something is made of him, until approval is finally glimpsed in his mentor’s eyes—

**“ He won't even look at you now, will he ? ”**

The glaze of disappointment on Zed’s face as he sees the Darkin scythe for the first time. The unsettling aversion in his body language each time Kayn moves closer. Snapping tongues that refuse to acknowledge him. Refuse to consider his suggestions, his plans, the

**WHAT ARE YOU WITHOUT ME, KAYN ?**

Kayn writhes beneath the unforgiving grip, lungs burning for breath. It releases, dropping him sputtering & to his knees, only for his skull to be met with a cracking backhand that sends blood shooting from his lips. It splatters the serenity of his mindscape with crimson and ichor, accompanied by the cruel bass of the Darkin’s laughter. His lungs shake. Time slows as his eyes close, an attempt to ground himself, to recover from the rattling in his brain. Where Rhaast’s words reach him, it **aches** : the memories of things he had long since hidden, buried beneath years of trauma. They resurface white - hot, casting burns along his skin as if they were _real_ , searing a path through his mind in infuriating waves of

**_focus, kayn. this isn’t real._ **

Deep breaths pull into his lungs, head clearing of his anger, emptying of his strife. Kayn’s eyes open to face the images before him, to pick them apart with logic, & seek the calm amidst the storm …

What he sees are merely fragments of his consciousness, twisted into demonic purpose, used for Rhaast’s own cruelty … Kayn reminds himself of this, eyes narrowing to glower up at the creature. He’s seen this enough times before, & despite the pain bleeding across his face & soul, he refuses to give in. Blinded palms sweep across the fluid floor beneath him, finding footing, & slowly, he pushes himself to his feet. His nose is crushed & bleeding, his cheek opened in a grisly gash, but eyes are settled into an intensely - quiet rage. This time, when he stands, he is the same height as Rhaast, & it is his turn to lock an iron grip around his throat.

**“ I should ask you the same thing. ”**

His voice is cool, collected as he spits blood into the face of the demon, hands clenching just tightly enough to cut off his air, screw his lungs into submission, force him to his knees. Where Rhaast had lifted, Kayn pushes down, asserting his dominance with a persistent pressure that he has refused to halt since the _first day_. This is no difference : while the Darkin grows more **bold** as the days pass, Kayn gathers more strength. He knows in his heart that Rhaast will never win : there is no way for him to. They grow closer & closer as time passes, & while Kayn feeds off of his strength, Rhaast becomes _weaker_.

The Darkin gurgles beneath the harshness of Kayn’s grip, claws lifting to scrabble at his arms, tear open his flesh in long ribbons. Crimson drips onto the floor, but Kayn barely notices. His beaten face contorts into a snarl, for it is his turn to growl; his chance to make his foe **bleed**. **“ You need me. For everything. ”** Tighter. Tighter, Kayn forces Rhaast onto his back, slams a boot onto his chest, spits blood onto the floor. Rhaast’s grip is crushing on his calf. It is ignored. **“ Do you miss it ? Being important ? ”** His words are light, _mocking_ of the Darkin’s earlier insults, & a ferocious grin works its way onto the assassin’s face. His muscles begin to tremble beneath the effort. Rhaast won’t die today; not yet. He is not quite strong enough. But oh, Kayn looks forward to the day when he _does_. A hand flashes from Rhaast’s throat to his head, then, & Kayn’s intent is set on calmness. It is something that the Darkin is incapable of : however, they are in kayn’s mind. _He_ has control … he would not give it up to the **beast**. As he closes his eyes in focus, his monster lets out an anguished cry of defeat; the room ripples before stilling, fading quickly into a void of blackness.

* * *

Kayn’s eyes open slowly. He sighs, arms lifting to stretch in front of him as he maneuvers out of the lotus pose. A hand closes habitually around the Darkin scythe to lift it along with him. His body feels reinvigorated; his mind is rested. His eyes flicker down to meet with Rhaast’s, open, but silent in his brooding. The assassin’s lips curl up into a pleased smile : it is clear who had won today’s battle.

As Kayn’s form leaves the chamber, shadowy & silent, the Darkin’s eye closes in defeat. Kayn’s grip tightens on the handle of the scythe. This is just another successful day of meditation to put in his back pocket ( & he will most certainly taunt Rhaast about it later ).

**Author's Note:**

> hi uwu ! hope u guys like this, it's just a little thing i wrote for tumblr and figured i would post ( sidenote, it's for my blog so, if the formatting is kinda funky that's why ). if you guys want more of this kind of stuff i'm always taking suggestions !! much love.


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